Jealousy
by HR always live on
Summary: A HR fic set near the end of series ten. Elena / Harry / Ruth, but the plot has been changed a bit. forrestsc requested. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A fic set near the end of series ten, involving Elena, but with less of the plot we saw on screen. I'm editing it a bit. Enjoy.**

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><p>"Just like old times," Harry said, watching Ruth in profile as she sat next to him in the land rover. She still hadn't turned to face him yet and he hated to admit how much that hurt him. Then she did look at him but he couldn't read the look on her face.<p>

"You look tired," she said.

"I feel tired," he agreed.

"So why did you call me?" she asked, her face still stony.

"I haven't seen you for a few days," he said honestly. He didn't have a deeper reason than the fact that he missed her with a powerful ache.

"It was your choice," Ruth reminded him. "If… you had wanted me to stay then I would have. But you told me to go and work for Towers. You made your choice. So I don't know why I'm even here."

"I need to talk to you," he said quietly. "You have the wrong idea about myself and Elena."

"I don't think I do Harry," she said, shaking her head a couple of times. "I never should have come here today." Ruth turned as if she was going to get out of the car and Harry reached for her hand to stop her. When he touched her she jumped as if she'd been electrocuted. He withdrew quickly from her but was pleased to see she was no longer trying to leave.

"I feel a lot of guilt for Elena. I made a mess of everything thirty years ago. I couldn't have ruined everything more completely if I tried. It was early in my career and I got dangerously close to an asset, more than I ever should have."

"You don't have to explain this to me," she interrupted quietly.

"I do," he said. "I owe you this much. I slept with her to start with because I needed the information she had. But then I started to care for her, and that was the problem. I didn't want to leave Elena, knowing that she was married to someone she didn't like, who would kill her if he ever found out she spied for Britain. Not to mention the immense guilt I feel over Sasha. It was just such a mess. But I don't want you to think I love her because I don't. All I feel is guilt."

"I want to believe you," she said when the silence became oppressive. "And guilt is something I understand all too well. Jealousy too it would seem. You don't need to explain this to me, you don't owe me anything. I don't work for you anymore and there's nothing between us. Now I have to go and get back to work. Towers doesn't know I'm here." He didn't say anything to stop her and watched as she got out of the car and found her own. He stayed still, his eyes watching as she drove out of the car park. But the one tiny thing that buoyed him was that she had said she was jealous. And that would not be an emotion she felt if she really didn't care for him. With that happier thought he drove out of the car park and went back to the grid.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry had only been at home for five minutes when his doorbell rang. He guessed, or maybe hoped it would be Ruth. Opening the door, he was surprised to see Elena there, her noticeable red hair covered by a scarf, just in case anyone was watching. Harry moved aside and let her in, closing the door quickly behind her.

"Why are you here?" he asked quietly as he followed her into his kitchen.

"I wanted to talk to you," she said removing the scarf as her long red hair flowed down her back.

"I assumed as much."

"Ilya has finished with his business," Elena said, her eyes fixed on Harry. "He has agreed the terms with the British multinationals and we are going back to Moscow tomorrow."

"Thank you for the update," Harry said, his voice laced with slight sarcasm.

"I thought you would be pleased you no longer have to deal with my presence in your loved country," Elena said. "I daresay my departure will cause a certain brunette some relief."

"I don't want to talk about her," Harry said quickly.

"Harry, I'm not here to upset you," she said with a sigh. "I'm here to say goodbye. I can't see myself coming back to the UK anytime soon."

"Well thank you for the personal visit," Harry said tensely.

"You don't want me here do you?" Elena said, studying him closely.

"Your presence has made things more… complicated," Harry said honestly. "Its my own fault though, not yours."

"Harry you take on so much responsibility. We all made choices back then, its not all your fault."

"But Sasha… I just left him and you back in Berlin. That was beneath me and I should never have done it."

"It was for your career," Elena said. "I didn't like it but I knew that at the time. I forgave you a long time ago. But my conscience won't let go of something, so I wanted to tell you before I get on my flight."

"Tell me what?" Harry asked feeling the iron fist of fear close around him once more.

"I'm sorry Harry," Elena said shaking her head. "I've been lying to you." She paused before continuing. "Sasha."

"What about him?" Harry asked. "He's okay?"

"He's fine," Elena assured him quickly. "He isn't your son."

"That's not possible," Harry said shaking his head. "Ever since you became pregnant…"

"I lied to you," Elena said, her eyes keeping contact with his. "I didn't know you and I thought you'd sell me out if things got complicated as they were bound to do. I didn't want to die in a Russian prison as a Western spy. So I lied. I needed to have something that meant you wouldn't betray me more than necessary." The silence between them was very heavy as he absorbed what she was saying. He failed to fully grasp what she was telling him for long minutes.

"You have let me believe for thirty years that he was my son."

"I know," she said quietly. "You're not the only one who carries the guilt from back then Harry."

"Are you absolutely sure?" Harry asked.

"Yes Harry, I'm sure," she replied. "And I'm sorry that I lied to you for so long. I had my reasons at the time is the only defence I can use." Harry watched her as she covered up her hair once more.

"Are we being watched?" Harry asked.

"Not to my knowledge," Elena said. "But its better to be careful isn't it?" Harry nodded as she walked down the hall and followed her. "Goodbye Harry. She loves you, you know?"

"Who?" Harry asked, although he knew perfectly well whom Elena was referring too.

The Russian smiled but didn't answer. Not directly at least. "Don't be a fool Harry." He said nothing as she left, the door banging shut behind her. What neither of them saw was Ruth sitting in her car outside watching Harry's house, her eyes following Elena as she left the street and vanished around the corner. Ruth closed her eyes feeling her head pound with anger, at the same time as a wave of despair came over her. There was nothing else to do, she was going to go home.

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><p><strong>More soon!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Ruth was curled up on her sofa watching some mindless romance film which she wasn't paying much attention to. She had gone to see Harry because she had wanted to apologise. To say that she'd been a little harsh with him earlier in the day, because after all, everyone had a history. But seeing Elena leaving his house had been a blow she didn't enjoy witnessing. And she didn't enjoy admitting, even to herself how much that sight had hurt her. She sighed and then closed her eyes, feeling tense as the doorbell rang. She didn't need to get up to know who it would be. Barely looking she got up and opened the door, moving aside to let him in. She resumed her seat in the living room but switched the TV off as Harry looked at her confused.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"Not really," she said honestly. She raised her head and her eyes met his for the first time. "How's Elena?" The question lay heavy in the silence of the room as Harry realised that Ruth must have seen the Russian leave his house earlier.

"You've been spying on me," Harry said in a flat voice.

"No I haven't," Ruth said. "I drove around to yours because I wanted to apologise. Because I said some things earlier that I didn't mean. But then I saw her leaving and I just came home instead." That at least was honest, she thought to herself.

"She's flying back to Moscow tomorrow," Harry said in a calm voice, trying to make her see that she was the only one who meant anything to him. "She's taking Ilya and Sasha with her and I doubt they'll be back anytime soon."

"Well I'm glad I won't run into her anymore," Ruth admitted. "But it doesn't change everything that's happened does it? Do you want a drink?" she added, getting up and heading into the kitchen as Harry followed her.

"I don't want a drink, I want you to let down your guard," he said before he could stop himself. She turned, ice in her blue eyes as she faced him.

"What does that mean?"

"Let me in," Harry said. "There will never be nothing between us Ruth, and you know that." He paused before saying the thing that had been bothering him for the last few hours. "You yourself said you were jealous. Why would you be?"

"It is not something I like about myself Harry," she said. "I can't help it, but yes, I am jealous of Elena. She has…" she tailed off but then tried to be braver and continued. "She has shared a part of you that I never will. You have a son together. And the way she looks at you… its like she's seeing a different version of you to the man I know, and that hurts me."

"Ruth, she is seeing a different man when she looks at me," Harry said. "She sees the man she used to know. It isn't who I am anymore. The man you know is who I am, you need to believe that. Because its true." She nodded once as the words sunk in and then Harry added another point. "Sasha isn't my son."

"What?" Ruth said, and he could see the shocked look on her face. "But you told me…"

"I thought he was," Harry said. "Elena told me tonight. She said she wanted a clean conscience before she went back to Russia."

"Insane as it sounds, that actually makes me relieved. Which is crazy," she said shaking her head slightly. Harry decided it was time to shelve his pride and just speak plainly. Things couldn't get worse after all. He closed the gap between them and held her hand in his lightly, surprised at how cold her skin was. She looked up at him and he felt braver when her fingers tightened around his.

"Taking the Russians away from it, there has never been any woman I want more than I want you. The way you look at me, I almost always know what you're thinking. My heart catches when your eyes burn at me. You see through me, and despite everything I've done, somehow you're still here. You still look at me with so much more feeling than I deserve." Using his free hand he cradled her face as she looked at him. Breathing suddenly felt difficult in such close proximity to each other. He desperately wanted to kiss her but resisted the urge. After today he didn't want to push her. So after a full minute, when it became clear that she wasn't going to move, she wasn't going to take the initiative and kiss him, he dropped his hands, releasing her and backed away a step. She shook her head once as if her silent reverie had been broken.

"I'll leave you to it," Harry said backing away, feeling his heart sink as he realised that the kiss he so badly wanted wasn't going to materialise. He was in her hallway and had his hand on the door handle when he felt her presence once more.

"Wait," she said from the other end of the hall. "Just wait a second." He dropped his hand from the door and turned seeing her closer than he thought. Her eyes were burning with a determination he'd only rarely seen there before. Her eyes were scanning his face as she got closer and then he felt a small jolt of electricity as her hand touched his cheek, fingers running across his stubble gently. She reached up and so very softly kissed him. He felt his hand sneak around her waist before he could stop it as the small kiss turned into a deeper one. She let out a small sigh of contentment as their lips were still joined that made him want her more than he thought possible.

He turned his head to end the kiss and said slightly breathlessly, "I should go."

"What? Why?" she asked, as breathless as he.

"Because if I don't go soon, I won't be responsible for my actions," he admitted. "I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow." He planted a goodbye kiss on her cheek before leaving her house. He didn't realise he had also left a very frustrated woman who had wanted so much more than a kiss.

"Bye Harry," she said to the closed door.

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><p><strong>More soon!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. The last chapter got billed as the best I'd ever written, and Camel19 said that I should have been hired to write for series ten! Massive compliments so I hope this can keep up the standard. Thank you all!**

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><p>Ruth did not sleep well that night. She kept tossing and turning, wondering what would happen between her and Harry now. In the morning she spent longer than usual on her make up, wanting to hide the dark circles under her eyes that gave evidence of the sleepless night she'd been suffering. When she was satisfied she looked at her reflection one last time. Then she remembered that she didn't work with Harry any more. Sighing she went downstairs and left the house, her emotions all over the place.<p>

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><p>Halfway through the morning when Ruth was busy typing up her report on the security of Buckingham palace when she could sense someone watching her. She came to the end of her sentence and then looked up around the room. People were absorbed in their work except one. Harry had just walked in and she smiled, unable to help it. He inclined his head towards Towers office and she got the point and nodded back as he went into his office and vanished from sight. Suddenly she felt wondrously grateful that she'd spent so long on her make up that morning.<p>

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><p>Everyone was disappearing for lunch and Ruth felt slightly anxious. Harry and Towers meeting had gone on for much longer than she had anticipated. Eventually she saw Towers leave, Harry following behind him. "Everything okay?" she asked Harry seeing Towers vanish quickly.<p>

"Yes, everything's fine. The Russians are back where they belong and I'm annoying Towers as usual in fine fashion. I also made the meeting last a bit longer because I wanted to ask you something. I wondered if you'd like to go to dinner with me." Her eyes caught his and she didn't move away for long seconds. So long in fact that Harry's confidence started to waver. "You don't have to. If you don't want to that's fine."

"No, no, its not that," she said quickly, her hand covering his. "Why did you wait until the office was empty?"

"Because last time you were very concerned about people discussing our private life," Harry said quickly. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, that's the last thing I'd ever want."

"In that case I'd love to," she said with a smile. "Just as long as you're not embarrassed by me."

"Of course not," he said. His eyes were smouldering at her and she felt slightly breathless and light headed. She squeezed his hand and then let go and the moment was broken between them. "So I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Yes," she replied with a smile. "Disregarding any possible national disasters."

"Don't say that," Harry said with a smile. Ruth felt her breath catch and heat flood her cheeks as he lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. "See you later then." She smiled as he left and was staring at the door he had vanished through when she had another thought. What the hell was she going to wear?

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><p>Ruth was putting the finishing touches to her hair when the doorbell rang. Her heart was in her throat and she hurried downstairs and opened the door, smiling when she saw Harry. He was silent, taking in her form. She wore a dark blue knee length dress with thin barely there straps which hugged her figure wonderfully and made him want to rip it off of her. She allowed him to look over her for a few seconds before clearing her throat significantly.<p>

"Er, sorry," he said catching her eyes. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she said with a smile, draping her wrap around her shoulders as she stepped out into the cool night air. "So no disasters?"

"No," Harry said with clear relief. "Which is just as well, because I've been looking forward to this."

"You only asked me out six hours ago," Ruth said as she sat in the car next to him.

"You know full well its taken us a lot longer than that," he said as he pulled out. She smiled, because it was perfectly true. It had taken them a long time to get here.

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><p>Dinner had been wonderful, the food fantastic, the company delightful and as she was being driven home, Ruth felt very comfortable and very happy. However when the car stopped, her nerves returned in full measure. He walked her to the door like a gentleman and holding her keys, she turned to him unable to think of anything else to say. Except, "do you want to come in?"<p>

"Its late," Harry said quietly, trying to resist as much as possible. "Probably not the best idea." Why was he arguing this. Dear God, why? Her hand rested on his chest and she closed the space between them kissing his lips gently, almost chastely.

"Harry, do you want to come in?" she asked again, almost as if she knew the internal struggle he was battling with. He studied her face and saw her nervously biting her lip but her eyes were burning with intent. So he gave in.

"Yes."


	5. Chapter 5

**It's only a small chapter because I don't really know where to go from here! Hope you enjoy it anyway...**

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><p>Ruth unlocked the door with a smile on her face and a fluttering heart, Harry just behind her. As her front door shut she felt the room shrink to just them and wondered what to do next. Had she been too forward inviting him in? Was this too much too soon? "Ruth…" he said in that gorgeous voice she couldn't resist. He stroked both hands down her bare arms gently and reassuringly. "I'm not expecting anything," he said. "I've had a wonderful evening with you and I would hate to ruin it now."<p>

"How do you sense what I'm thinking?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

"I know you Ruth," he said with a smile. "You don't have to talk for me to know what you're thinking most of the time."

"That's scarily accurate," Ruth said with a raised eyebrow. She gently kissed him and felt a hand run through her hair. She sighed and deepened the kiss as his hand dropped to her waist and pulled her closer against him. She knew that he could feel her body with how close they were to each other. He withdrew from her reluctantly but kept both hands on her waist, thumbs rubbing small circles on the fabric as he breathed heavily. "What?" Ruth asked as she put her hair behind her ear.

"Trying to resist temptation," he admitted to her, the smile present in his eyes.

"Don't," she said simply. She tried to get the confidence to say what she wanted which took a few seconds. "Harry I'm going to be blunt now. I'm going upstairs. I'm going to take my dress off and lie in bed. I would love for you to help me, but if you don't want to, then leave." He groaned even as a blush stained her cheeks at how forward she was being. She grinned and grabbed his hand as she turned to the stairs. It only took him half a millisecond to follow her.

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><p>Ruth groaned loudly as a ringing phone woke her from her deep and contented sleep. Her head had been resting on Harry's chest and she dropped to the mattress as he moved to pick up his jacket and answer the phone. "Yes?" he said in a hoarse sleepy voice. "Okay, right. Yes. I'm on my way," he finished with a sigh as he put the phone down. Ruth decided it was probably time for her to wake up.<p>

"What is it now?" she asked rubbing her eyes slightly.

"The CIA are up in arms about the Russians. Apparently we failed to inform them that major Russian diplomats were on our shores for a new deal and they want to talk to me about it. Dimitri says they are not happy."

"Never have I been so happy that I don't work for you anymore," Ruth said with a smile.

"I wouldn't take that attitude," Harry said, stroking her back. "Your old boss would have let you lie in bed all morning. I daresay Towers won't be so accommodating." Ruth turned from him and looked at the clock. It already said five past nine.

"Shit," she cursed under her breath, quickly getting out of bed. Harry allowed himself to watch a naked Ruth for long seconds before she started covering herself up. With a sigh, he knew he had to get moving too, and left the comfort of Ruth's warm bed.


	6. Chapter 6

**I know people asked but there isn't going to be an M rated installment with the last chapter. To make up for it though, there will be an M rated piece that picks up where this chapter finishes. I've just got to write it first!**

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><p>Hurrying into the Home Office, Ruth sat down nearly an hour late, hoping Towers wouldn't mind too much. She had no sooner logged in to her computer when the man in question emerged from his office. "Ah, Miss Evershed, nice to see you at last."<p>

"I'm sorry, I overslept," Ruth said. It was sort of true, she just wasn't going to mention that she hadn't been alone.

"A phone call would be nice in future," Towers said but he had half a smile on his face. "Anyway, we need you to help deal with the CIA delegates which have descended on London overnight."

"Yes I know," Ruth said quickly before she thought about it too much.

"How do you know?" Towers asked, watching her incredulously. He knew she was good but this was verging on psychic.

"Harry told me," Ruth admitted. Towers looked at her intensely and Ruth knew what he was thinking, but she wasn't going to ay anything at all and eventually he moved away from her and she focused on her work.

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><p>Ruth stayed later than usual because she wanted to make up the time for being an hour late in the morning. This resulted in Towers doing a double take when he saw her in the otherwise empty office. "How are the CIA representatives?" he asked.<p>

"Mollified at the moment," Ruth said. It had been a stressful day after all.

"Why are you still here?" Towers asked her.

"I was late," she said. "I'm making up the time. But I am going home now." Ruth smiled as she shut the computer down and picked up her bag.

"Good work today," Towers said. "Have you spoken to Harry?"

"About work? No," she said honestly. She hadn't seen or heard from him since he'd kissed her goodbye that morning. In fact she was feeling a pleasant ache and was looking forward to speaking to him later. For the last few years she had been working long hours always within sight of Harry. It was an unusual feeling for her to spend a working day away from him, but it had the result that she was looking forward to at least speaking to him later. Towers looked like he wanted to say something else, but she quickly left the office, so he didn't have the opportunity. She wasn't blind, no matter what happened in her life and she knew Towers hadn't wanted her to join his staff for purely professional reasons. But that was for another time and place, not now.

She drove home feeling relatively happy with life. Parking outside her house she wondered if everything was going to fall apart now. She had never really been happy with her life for long periods of time. Something usually went wrong. She dearly hoped not this time. Because she had the vague possibility of being happier than she ever had been, and that scared her a bit. Unlocking her door she walked into her kitchen and gasped. There was a beautiful bouquet of yellow lilies on her table and she jumped when she felt a familiar set of arms wrap around her waist.

"Hello," Harry said kissing her neck as she smiled into the embrace. She turned and kissed his lips in greeting.

"Hi," she said with a smile. "You know you shouldn't break into people's houses."

"Too much spook experience," he said with a smile. "Anyway, I no longer break into peoples houses. Yours is a special exception." She smiled and kissed him again. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"How do you know anything's wrong?" she replied.

"Don't lie to me, and don't answer a question with a question either," Harry said.

"Its silly."

"I don't care," Harry said brushing her hair behind her ear waiting for her to speak.

"I was thinking when I drove home. Waiting for something to wreck this. Because I'm happy. I know it doesn't make sense." She shook her head and sat down at the kitchen table, a ghost of a smile on her face as she looked at the beautiful flowers.

"I'm not saying this is going to be easy," Harry said sitting next to her and holding her hand. "Knowing us it won't be. I can't promise that nothing will ever happen to you or me, that's unrealistic in this career, you know that. But I want to be with you. I won't leave you." She smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Its just… happiness isn't something I'm used to. I know its only been twenty four hours but…" she trailed off as Harry kissed her. They broke apart with matching smiles. "Thank you for the flowers."

"You're welcome."

"Although a girl might come to expect this kind of treatment from you," she teased lightly as her foot left her shoe and started going up and down his calf sensually. He looked in her eyes as if to ask her to stop but then he changed his mind. The minutes dragged on as her toes were creeping higher and higher and his breathing got more ragged.

"Shall I cook something?"

"No," Ruth said, her foot returning to the floor. "I want to wash my hair. I didn't get my shower this morning in case you can't remember." He smiled without remorse at all, knowing full well they had both enjoyed the extra time in bed together. She got up and headed towards the kitchen door, pausing when she got there. "Are you going to give me a hand?" Harry didn't wait for another hint and practically leapt up the stairs after her.


	7. Chapter 7

**This is the last chapter I think. Thanks to all who have been reading and especially reviewing. xxx**

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><p>It was early in the morning and they had both woken up happy but silently as they watched each other. Ruth's foot was drifting over his calf slowly as his hand drew random patterns on her waist. They were very close to one another and Harry was simply listening to her breathe in the early morning light. Eventually his arms tightened around her and he kissed her softly.<p>

"Mm," she sighed gently, her head leaning against his shoulder. "I never want to move."

"Suits me just fine," he said stroking her hair. She smiled, her blue eyes sparkling. "I love you Ruth," he said quietly, making her eyes widen in surprise. "I always have. Ever since you dropped files all over the meeting room when you came in late." She smiled at the memory.

"God, I must have looked so incompetent," she said. "Just bursting into the room while you were in a meeting discussing the latest emergency."

"You were brilliant," he said, his hands tightly holding her waist. "I seem to remember you hacked into French intelligence within your first morning."

"Well I wanted to impress you didn't I?" she said with a smile.

"You were constantly doing that," he said. She closed the small gap between them and brushed her lips over his stubbled cheek.

"I love you too," she said with a smile. "Ever since you made that terrible joke when you first met me."

"Second time I met you," he reminded her. "You had an interview before appearing on the grid."

"You didn't say a word," Ruth reminded him. "You just sat there and looked at me like a mute."

"I wondered how someone of your clear beauty could be as intelligent as your file said you were," Harry admitted honestly. "And I was wondering if it was possible you'd ever want anything to do with me beyond a professional basis."

"You were just so silent," Ruth said, reminiscing. "I thought I'd already offended you."

"You've never offended me," Harry said. "Infuriate me and disagree with me constantly, but never anything worse."

She smiled when something occurred to her. "I'm not going to leave the Home Office though."

"I didn't ask you to," Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

"I love how things have become so much better personally with you, I do," she said stroking his arm. "But I don't want to come back to Thames House. My new job, it's a challenge and I do enjoy it. On the grid I'd become so good at my job that the challenge had gone. I'm not being arrogant…"

"No you're not," he agreed. "You were brilliant."

"Well, working for Towers is a new challenge. So I don't want to come back to the grid."

"I understand," he said with a smile. "I'll miss you though. Both your standard of work and watching you across the grid."

"Yes, well I'll always be waiting for you at home though won't I?" she said with a smile. "Isn't that better? Or would you prefer me going back to being only an employee?" she added with a sly smile.

"You must be joking," he said in a low growl before he kissed her passionately. When they parted her broad smile was matched by his, and everything felt right with the world.


End file.
